I've often called Benton House "The Ritz Carlton of Elder Care at Marriott prices."
The place is a gem, and so are the people.
Art, music, movies and fun! I feel so happy we finally discovered it for Mama to spend the last year of her life.
You can visit Benton House at bentonhouse.com
The place is a gem, and so are the people.
Art, music, movies and fun! I feel so happy we finally discovered it for Mama to spend the last year of her life.
You can visit Benton House at bentonhouse.com
Interview with Claire on Mother's Day
Well, she was always my mom, you know, the one you want to get away from so you can go do your thing (chuckles)... I think that's there with all of us from the start, ever since before birth. You know, there you are in utero; it's dark & confined, and the place is forever squeezing in -- especially toward the end! (laughs) But there was always something about her, you know? In each phase of my life, there was at least one thing that resonated as my thing, too! if you know what I mean. I always try to find that one thing with everybody. My own mother? Of course (smiles).
In my early years, there was this yearning bond.... I believe everyone has this inexplicable, unquenchable thirst for your mom; I think it's with you at birth and must come with having been in her body all your life! Some people reject that persistent hankering, due to childhood traumas they may not even remember, and they throw up blocks between self and mother. But in our case, we were fortunate to share that special bonding experience which comes when a mother is awake giving birth -- where you get to hold in your arms this fresh new life that's been inside of you for almost a year, where you get to see face-to-face the person whose insides have protected you, since your consciousness started taking human form. Those first few minutes are magic -- they should never be relegated to the plastic walls of some hospital baby bed!
So, in the wake of that subconscious yearning to bond, I was always on the look-out for what kind of deep-soul & intellectual connection we actually had underneath that gigantic generation gap which separates parent from child. I do this connection-search with everyone in my life.... An astrologer told me once that relationships are very important to me -- every type, and that it's very painful for me if, for any reason, some relationship doesn't work. That's any kind of relationship; doesn't have to be romantic. It just occurs to me that this may well be why I'm such a hermit! I know I'll never turn my back on myself, you see. That's insightful. (Stares off in the distance for a moment.) Anyway, early on, I learned that you can make connections with some people, but not with others. It wasn't until I became an adult, that I finally grasped the fact that the only person in my family, with whom I could truly bond, was my mother. Walls would go up with other family members at some point. My mother never put up any walls. She may not "get" me, but there was no wall.
I was in my early 20s when my mother turned her back on the cut&dry unflinching brick wall that goes up when one embraces fundamentalist religion. At that point she & Daddy became agnostic and a lot more open minded. There was finally a bridge. Not that agnosticism and atheism are the end-alls in any way; but agnosticism does make one open minded, unbound by opinion, and that can be a great thing for communication & relationship.
As you know, my mother was in the mental health field... and it was at this point that she turned me onto Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones. That was one really important bridge. Later on... hmm... I don't know if it was her or me who gave the other one Be Here Now, but we had fun discussing both of these books and drawing comparisons with the contents, somehow. There was this big ah-ha in me at that point: I realized my mother is actually someone I can talk to about the connections my mind so easily makes -- connections that most other people simply can't see.
Over the years, my copy of Be Here Now got lost somewhere, but now I have hers. Oh, did I tell you that during this time, she went to hear Ram Dass speak? It was also during this same period of time that Mama met Martha Graham and Elisabeth Kubler Ross; she sat at a dinner table with each of them at some conference or another. At the time, Mama headed the Civilian Programs of Alcohol and Drug Abuse at Ft. McPherson; in her position, she had the opportunity to attend some cutting-edge conferences! At the time, Kubler Ross was being ridiculed in many circles for her championship of the dying, and for so boldly bringing to the world's attention that bright light greeting you from the other side. Now medicare covers Hospice, and you see hospices everywhere. Mama was finally able to get help from hospice, herself, the week before she died.
As the years went by, Mama and I had our ups and downs, our mother-daughter fights, but she always would come back at some point and say, "You know, I was wrong about this thing, and I am so sorry -- that put up a wall between us which hurt me, and I know it must have hurt you.This is not an excuse by any means, but it might help you to know why I did that. Do you want to know?"
Great communicator that lady.
Too bad communication and the brain's ability to "connect the dots" is what she lost in the last two years of her life. I really missed that, being her primary family caregiver. I knew she was in there toward the end, but I just couldn't find her....
I'm happy that she has moved on to a place where she can see things clearly, understand them and express herself. At hOM3~ with all those who passed on before she did. I wish her well, and I miss her.
~*~
In my early years, there was this yearning bond.... I believe everyone has this inexplicable, unquenchable thirst for your mom; I think it's with you at birth and must come with having been in her body all your life! Some people reject that persistent hankering, due to childhood traumas they may not even remember, and they throw up blocks between self and mother. But in our case, we were fortunate to share that special bonding experience which comes when a mother is awake giving birth -- where you get to hold in your arms this fresh new life that's been inside of you for almost a year, where you get to see face-to-face the person whose insides have protected you, since your consciousness started taking human form. Those first few minutes are magic -- they should never be relegated to the plastic walls of some hospital baby bed!
So, in the wake of that subconscious yearning to bond, I was always on the look-out for what kind of deep-soul & intellectual connection we actually had underneath that gigantic generation gap which separates parent from child. I do this connection-search with everyone in my life.... An astrologer told me once that relationships are very important to me -- every type, and that it's very painful for me if, for any reason, some relationship doesn't work. That's any kind of relationship; doesn't have to be romantic. It just occurs to me that this may well be why I'm such a hermit! I know I'll never turn my back on myself, you see. That's insightful. (Stares off in the distance for a moment.) Anyway, early on, I learned that you can make connections with some people, but not with others. It wasn't until I became an adult, that I finally grasped the fact that the only person in my family, with whom I could truly bond, was my mother. Walls would go up with other family members at some point. My mother never put up any walls. She may not "get" me, but there was no wall.
I was in my early 20s when my mother turned her back on the cut&dry unflinching brick wall that goes up when one embraces fundamentalist religion. At that point she & Daddy became agnostic and a lot more open minded. There was finally a bridge. Not that agnosticism and atheism are the end-alls in any way; but agnosticism does make one open minded, unbound by opinion, and that can be a great thing for communication & relationship.
As you know, my mother was in the mental health field... and it was at this point that she turned me onto Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones. That was one really important bridge. Later on... hmm... I don't know if it was her or me who gave the other one Be Here Now, but we had fun discussing both of these books and drawing comparisons with the contents, somehow. There was this big ah-ha in me at that point: I realized my mother is actually someone I can talk to about the connections my mind so easily makes -- connections that most other people simply can't see.
Over the years, my copy of Be Here Now got lost somewhere, but now I have hers. Oh, did I tell you that during this time, she went to hear Ram Dass speak? It was also during this same period of time that Mama met Martha Graham and Elisabeth Kubler Ross; she sat at a dinner table with each of them at some conference or another. At the time, Mama headed the Civilian Programs of Alcohol and Drug Abuse at Ft. McPherson; in her position, she had the opportunity to attend some cutting-edge conferences! At the time, Kubler Ross was being ridiculed in many circles for her championship of the dying, and for so boldly bringing to the world's attention that bright light greeting you from the other side. Now medicare covers Hospice, and you see hospices everywhere. Mama was finally able to get help from hospice, herself, the week before she died.
As the years went by, Mama and I had our ups and downs, our mother-daughter fights, but she always would come back at some point and say, "You know, I was wrong about this thing, and I am so sorry -- that put up a wall between us which hurt me, and I know it must have hurt you.This is not an excuse by any means, but it might help you to know why I did that. Do you want to know?"
Great communicator that lady.
Too bad communication and the brain's ability to "connect the dots" is what she lost in the last two years of her life. I really missed that, being her primary family caregiver. I knew she was in there toward the end, but I just couldn't find her....
I'm happy that she has moved on to a place where she can see things clearly, understand them and express herself. At hOM3~ with all those who passed on before she did. I wish her well, and I miss her.
~*~
My Mother, Jaci, the Artist
Jaci (short for Jacqueline and pronounced "Jackie") started painting when she turned 70 years young and lived next door to Clair Frye who she found out was once Norman Rockwell's boss! On the left is one of Jaci's earliest landscapes. When she moved into Benton House at 91, they had an arts faire, and devoted a wing of the building to her work. You can go on a Virtual Tour of the Arts Faire by clicking on the icon for the pdf (below). A new tab will come up in your browser with a pdf file which you can scroll through, see Jaci's work and see Jaci dancing in the Memory Care Unit at the wonderful home called "Benton House."
virtual_tour_with_jaci_at_bentonrez.pdf | |
File Size: | 854 kb |
File Type: |
WaterStone Heartsong
WaterStone Heartsong
(to the right, pointing at what you read, here)
is both the last-laid stone and the essence of the water in BuildWell, aka BuildWithLove,
something my mama taught me well.
To know both OuiBees better,
see below.
Heart as Crystalline Projector
(pdf directly below these words)
makes succinctly pudding of
exactly how what we encounter reflects
what is on the surface of
who we be in the world
at any given time.
I hope you find these inspirational
~whenever you read them~
as I did when they came to me.
3~ Namaste 3~
(to the right, pointing at what you read, here)
is both the last-laid stone and the essence of the water in BuildWell, aka BuildWithLove,
something my mama taught me well.
To know both OuiBees better,
see below.
Heart as Crystalline Projector
(pdf directly below these words)
makes succinctly pudding of
exactly how what we encounter reflects
what is on the surface of
who we be in the world
at any given time.
I hope you find these inspirational
~whenever you read them~
as I did when they came to me.
3~ Namaste 3~
heart_as_crystaline_projector-lsm.pdf | |
File Size: | 1269 kb |
File Type: |